2004-05-20
2:35 p.m.
Lost in between time
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hey call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is
when you stop going along with the crowd and
start realizing that there are many things about
yourself that you didn't know and may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you
will be in a year or two, but then get scared
because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and
that, maybe, those friends that you thought you
were so close to aren't exactly the greatest
people you have ever met, and the people you
have lost touch with are some of the most
important ones. What you don't recognize is that
they are realizing that too, and aren't really
cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they
are as confused as you.
You look at your job... and it is not even close
to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe
you are looking for a job and realizing that you
are going to have to start at the bottom and
that scares you. Your opinions have gotten
stronger. You see what others are doing and find
yourself judging more than usual because
suddenly you realize that you have certain
boundaries in your life and are constantly
adding things to your list of what is acceptable
and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and
then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with
the greatest force of your life. You feel alone
and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the
enemy and you try and cling on to the past with
dear life, but soon realize that the past is
drifting further and further away, and there is
nothing to do but stay where you are or move
forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone
you loved could do such damage to you. Or you
lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone
decent enough that you want to get to know
better. Or maybe you love someone but love
someone else too and cannot figure out why you
are doing this because you know that you aren't
a bad person. One night stands and random hook
ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and
acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.
You go through the same emotions and questions
over and over, and talk with your friends about
the same topics because you cannot seem to make
a decision. You worry about loans, money, the
future and making a life for yourself... and
while winning the race would be great, right now
you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone
reading this relates to it. We are in our best
of times and our worst of times, trying as hard
as we can to figure this whole thing out.
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